December 2010
12 posts
Erikk says:
if i told you an amazing orgasm inducing (women get orgasms from good flavours) drink would you walk over now and get one?
*megan* says:
i would if i coudl but ih ave katie and moms in bed so icant tell her to watch her
but i would as soon as i wake up
Erikk says:
French Vanilla with an Apple Cinnamon Teabag
wait
*megan* says:
mmmm
teabag
Erikk says:
text ur man to bring...
!!! POST # 100!!! WAY TO GO MEGAN!!!!
katie today
“Hey mom.. youk now what P is for?”
“What?”
“P is for PECKER!!!!”
after much dying on the floor in laughter, i found out she was talking about a WOODpecker.. as in the bird
“The pecker that pecks at wood like this..” *starts bobbing her head like shes giving a blowjob* “Peckers that...
*megan* says:
LOL midgit in jail
Erikk says:
?
*megan* says:
still watching some stupid jail show
about ppl getting arrested
i donno why
its not amusing
except hte midgit who just got arrested
the rest was just all drunk people
Erikk says:
hahahahhaha
yes
*megan* says:
they dont show u them getting arrested, or tell you what happens
its jsut checkign them into jail
wtf
what a...
watching this show about life in jail - its women right now, not sure if it always is never seen it before, but hot dog the last 2 are fkn sexy - prison isnt scary anymore
loves it
you want to hear a really funny story my friend told me christmas eve, about me, that i had no idea about until he told me
and it happened in the summer
we go out drinking, he pays - cause he always does when i go out - and then i get tipsy. we go to his boss’ party and i spend most of hte time playing wii with the kids there, drinking wine, getting obliterated. go figure.
we decide to go...
im a girl
i get free drin offers all over hte place
its hard neough to say no to booze im paying for
but FREE
never
i could be vomiting and still take a free shot
cause its free
every time i say im gonna go out n not get loaded
cuz im broke
i end up 100x mroe drunk than i do night i pay for it
Erikk says:
ahaha thats why you say NO
*megan* says:
this is me we are talking about
if...
I donno what’s worse - getting laid and not remebering, or not getting laid at all
lmao
they both suck
even more so when i know it was like, if i drank 3 less i woulda got laid AND remembered
buuuut im a lush
and i cant stop until i dont know my name
i need a non bar place to drink
Mexican Avalanche: Cum in her face and then shove her down a flight of stairs.
LMAO
wtf
going out to felate my boyfriendo n the porch, brb
{long novel msn spurge from megan follows:}
lolololo my convos are horrrible with everyone
Friend:
I’ve totally raped my facebook today
I think it’s time to go to a bar and the same to a girl’s dignity…hopefully they got drunk on their own…
Me:
i def think you should do that
rape her of her dignity and fuck her in the ass while youre at it
ooh shit
he said...
The ringtone set for Megans texts. Well suited
you know what I love?
how every month I’m concerned I could be pregnant
lmao
it’s nicer now though that i know theres only one option as to with who though…
i dont feel concerned…
but i do feel relief that i get 1 more guarenteed month of drinking, even tho i dont rly drink much. but after every period, it take the first chance i get to have some drinks
lmaolmfao im...
i should have aidsi shouldh ave a bunch of thingsyou know whats fkn crazythis girl i know, who i ahd athreesome with, with this guy i was seeing. she comes to me after liek our third threesome beginnign of this yrand tells me she has herpes. and her bf doesnth avei t. she hadnt cheated on him before us. so shes like - it obv had to come from me or from the guy iwas seeingandi was liek wtfbut i...
November 2010
69 posts
I have the best dream life.. of life, ever.
I think that sentence was pretty nonsensical
Like my dream life
Laaast night
I dreamed that a little girl was in my bathtub playing hopscotch
and saying “bugger that for a lark”,
but when I looked closely at her, I realised that it was me when I was a little kid.
So I said “come out of the bathtub now” and she looked at me...
Just saw a soccer mom in a mini-van blaring and singing Taylor Swift - No Surprise
18 things Megan Hates
1. People who use the term, “Everybody knows …” No, everybody obviously does NOT know if I had to question it. Screw you, smart ass. 2. Hooligans who feel the need to take the flower pot from my front yard and move it down the street, or even worse smash it down the street. No matter how many times it’s replaced. I am going to catch you one day.. and you bet your sorry ass...
hey…
you know how boys always want to know if girls get horny when putting in tampons?
well, I don’t know if thats true if they do wonder that. but cosmo told me they wonder that. I’ve never been asked
anyways. they always say no they dont. as if they’re offended.
I actually DO get horny putting it in. and taking it out. sometimes just knowing it’s in there.
do I...
Megan: Sooo, This one time..
Me: At band camp?
Megan: No. In a car. In a parking lot. With a girl.
she was a girly girl (I don’t do butch women)
she took off my top I had a strapless bra on,
and she asked me
“WHAT KIND OF BRA IS THAT!?!”
in PURE confusion
I’ve NEVER seen anyone so confused
and we all know how confused i get
WHAAAAT
you’re a girl, even as a...
You know what’s fucking awesome?
Being in a boat and waving.
It’s like you’re in a special club.
you must wave at everone you see when you’re on a boat, whether they’re on a boat or not
and they must wave at you!
and you’re always super fkn happy
even if their boat is better, they dont give you the - haha my boats better - wave
they do speed up and show...
Megan: My neighbour just saw me dancing in only my panties, in my kitchen for a solid 4 minutes and 2 seconds while eating a slice of pie, and double fisting a beer and a carton of OJ. See what happens when people leave me home alone?
Me: What kind of pie?
So… apparently a fetus can NOT vomit in the womb…
Megan: It totally just looks like it rained in the kitchen.
Yep. I just did dishes. I don’t know what happened but I clearly don’t belong in the kitchen…
Me: Better get a sex change then…
Megan: But then my boyfriend wouldn’t want me… You know how many straight guys I’ve met lately that are way too into being penetrated? UNREALLLLL
Dear God;
there is a penis in my fake cigarette candy sticks package!
not a real one of course - Imagine though?
just, the stick looks like, well.. a stick!
stick shift
shaft
PENIS
HEY
You know what’s just down right tardy?
you know how when you get all caught up in the moment with someone, and they rip off your clothes and throw them across the room?
sometimes, just sometimes, when I’m banging myself.. I throw my clothes across the room
for funzies
old times sake
whatever the reason, I do it
In regards to “We No Speak Americano”
This song makes me want to dance the whitest dance I ever danced, and shoot myself all at the same time!
okay.. soo..
if people are capable of having multiple births…
like cats lets say
why dont we get 6 or 8 nipples? or whatever like cats do?
I mean, that would be too much for me, I’d never be able to smoosh
looking at someone wth 8 nips
alligned down their torso
well, maybe I would
if we were all born that way
Megan: I love how that shit’s on my blog BEFORE you even respond…
Me: I love how you constantly refresh your blog to read the shit you say!
Megan: I KNOWWW RIGHT? why the fuck do I do that?!
I know the shit I said… but somehow, its funnier the second time
cause at first I’m soo serious
I just said “I’m so serious” in a french accent… I really...
OMG
I almost just died!!
choking on my sammich
yeee, I make myself sandwiches after I’m done rubbing out
like a man!
anyways…
almost chocked
caaaauuuuse Katie farted
and I’m a child and I laughed insanely
while swallowing
seems to be my life story
nipples are fuckign strange, n’est pas?
like.. I donno. maybe it’s cause mine are annoying me the last couple days
but.. what the fuck is up with them?
they’re fucking strange
when I over think them…
at first I’m like yeeee nips
and then if I concentrate too long….
I’m like..
WHY were those made?!?
i mean, breastfeeding
but
I donno
...
Me: It’s too cold to go buy smokes! Lesson Learned!
Megan: It’s too fun not to take nudies. uhhh Lesson Learned?
…….
Me: uhh… It’s too fun NOT to take nudies?
Megan: It’s too fun TO not take nudies.
Me: Still means the same thing…
Megan: No second one makes more sense… its too fun (taking them) to not take them at all.
Me: Why...
Katie: Soviet Russia? I never seen that! We must...
katies Boobie Song!
I love the boobies
I love...
you know what Kaite just told me?
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“When you smile, it changes your whole face!”
What the ..
Now she’s singing about smiling changing your whole face
Looks like we have a little megan on our hands!
I forgot there was blue facepaint all over my phone from last night, so everything but my thumbs got covered from all this texting.
Then i decided to rub one out…
Just took a gander down below. DEFINITELY looks like i smooshed a smurf!
I love how when I get sick, my moms first thought is pregnancy and not food poisoning.
I’m not going to lie…
I just spent a solid 5 minutes trying to blow a candle out with my nose.
I got it right before I passed out.
I hope I’m not pregnant again…
I just had the weirdest shortest episode of morning sickness at 2am, and I didn’t drink too much. I didn’t drink at all, actually.
Maybe my body just recognises that last weekend I would normally be without child and drink my face off, but didn’t?
Soooo… It was giving me a little reminder that it needs to be filled up and...
I fucking HATE peanut butter on toast
It melts so fast - and I never put a reasonable ammount on - So It starts dripping all over me like I’m participating in some sort of peanut butter dripping sexual fetish.
It’s the new hot wax!
How am I just hearing about this Movember thing now?
Movember: When looking like a pedo is O.K.
ohhhh MY FUCK THERE IS A GOD!
We are moving to Missouri!
No public intoxication laws!
did you know you’re not supposed to eat or drink anything half an hour after using mouth wash?
because I just learned this
and I cant count how many dicks were in my mouth post rinse..
is that a fail for them, or a fail for me?
you neeeeed to hear about this dream I had
it tops my list of fucked up!
So, I was at some really weird warehouse, it looked like a building where trapeeze artists may practice
Why, I dont know.. btu I was there.. with this kid who I was pretty convinced
A. Had aids
B. Had some other terminal disease
C. Was slightly mentally retarded
Why I wasnt scared of him, I don’t know
But we...
these fruit flies are fucking crafty they’re hard to catch..
It’s like they know I’m horny and miss my boyfriends dick
so theyre eating my hand to tease me
“this is all the eating ur going to get”
I’m scared to take my pants off to masturbate
in case a fruit fly flies into my vagina.
I mean, it’s not like I’m gonan die if it does
but...
Megan: If my boyfriend reads this blog, he probably will never marry me!
Me: He might. He might even come out as bi, and let you have a 5 man 5 woman orgy.
Megan: I doubt that… He’s too good at eating pussy to like men. Also, I doubt I’d ever want to share him…
….
Alcohol always changes my mind, though!
you know how I know when it’s time to get married? I have no fantasies left, because anything I want to do - I’ve already done.
I still have a couple - but I’m pretty sure I could live without being pig roasted or drinking multiple mens juice from a cup for money.
I gave 2 guys head at once? thats close enough to a pig roast
lmao
I’m such a skank
Gokkun - in which several men ejaculate into a container for the receiver to drink
WHAT!
Why didnt I hear of this before?
I drink semen out of a water bottle from 1 guy for money
when I could have got multiple guys pitching in for even more money!
wtf is thaaaaaat?
I was jew’d!
I just realized my ex got a ”specific superhero” tattoo, because I used to always call him “said superhero”.
because he would save me all the time.
Now he has that tattoo on his arm.
FOREVER
and I’m gone, forever.
And I’m the reason he got that tattoo.
He should have just put my name on his arm, I mean it’s going to have the same emotional stigma,...
I was just told I’m like a fairy tale.. or at least the experience I gave somebody.
What a fucking fruit
haha FRUITCAKKKKE!
Everytime I type “touche” I think of touching.
but touching with a french accent.
“touchee my bum” I just can’t seem to say bum in a french accent.
So of course I have to say it out loud like 30 times before giving up.
I fuking love juice boxes, not going to lie.
They’re convenient as fuck when taking shots
Not that Im taking shots right now, I have Katie.. but I am drinking a juice box.
I think shes mad at me for it too, but she has one also
Just occurred to me, as I read through my texts…
I met this one guy THREE times, and don’t remember any of them.
The last two times he said he will be at the bar in a half an hour - I DO remember THAT, but I got so drunk in half an hour I don’t recall SEEING him at all.
I’ve been talking to this guy for two months, hung out three times.. But I’ve never consiously...